


How Can I Say Goodbye?

by Cupping_Cakes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone, Anger, Angst, Blood, Blood and Gore, Control Issues, Crazy Rick, Dark erotica, Delusions, Depression, Depressive Thoughts, Disturbing Themes, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Haunted by the past, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hurt, Jealousy, Kissing, Loss, Loss of Control, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Regret, Resentment, Rick will be giving into Darkness in this, Sadness, Semi-Public Sex, There will be Darkness to this fic, Unhealthy Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Voyeurism, You Have Been Warned, ZA, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:48:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 9,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6520390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cupping_Cakes/pseuds/Cupping_Cakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How could she say Goodbye, when all she'd ever wanted to say was, I love you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving Behind Everything I Know.

**Author's Note:**

> A Few Quick Notes:
> 
> I promised a multi chaptered Caryl and here it is!
> 
> Some chapters will be longer than others, some shorter but, I promise they won't lack anything.
> 
> Now, beforehand, I need to clear some things about this fic.
> 
> There are some things that will happen that haven't been tagged to avoid spoilers, but they will be once the chapters posted.
> 
> Rick is going to be very season 5/6 so expect brutality and darkness.
> 
> I can't promise a happy ending but, we'll see.
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Soft sounds of thunder filled the silence filling the streets. The most sound any of them had heard since the walls had come crashing down. So much for keeping the place quiet.

She hadn't been alone this much in years.

Except for when she was on her own.

Atlanta seemed like a lifetime ago these days. But she remembered.

Remembered the names of the people they'd lost along the way here.

But they'd made it somehow. Survived long enough to get here but, it'd fallen once before it'd happen again. Sooner or later, those walls would give, or more people would come like the wolves, the saviors, who the fuck ever.

This was the world they lived in now.

People didn't ask for what they wanted they just fucking took it.

This wasn't the place for them, or maybe, it just wasn't the place for her anymore. Goddamnit, why was she feeling this way? Questioning herself when she knew who she needed to be now. Knew what she needed to do more so now than ever.

She needed to fight.

Fight like she'd done with Maggie.

Like she'd done every day since the world had fallen apart all around them.

She knew who she needed to be, knew who she had to be to survive, but fuck it wasn't supposed to be this hard to just forget. To just keep moving, she'd warned Sam about things eating him. So why couldn't she follow her own advice?

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The note hadn't been the best way to say Goodbye but, she didn't trust herself to say it in person. Knowing he'd be there, knowing it'd be the last time she'd ever see his face. She knew she'd stay, knew she'd never be able to say goodbye to him.

How could she say Goodbye, when all she'd ever wanted to say was, I love you?

Hurt him like so many others had done before all this.

She wanted to go back, rip the note to pieces and lose herself in nothing but Him.

Leather vest, and shaggy hair. Her archer.

But she couldn't.

She needed to keep going.

Leave Alexandria, Leave the memories, the Blood, behind.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It'd been five days since she'd left.

Five days on the road with the knife he'd given her.

She tried not to listen to her instincts, to say fuck it and go back.

But she couldn't bring herself to look in his eyes after she'd left him.

The first tie hadn't been her choosing. It had been Ricks. Said it was over what she'd done, but they both knew it wasn't the true reason he'd sent her away. She'd seen the truth always lingering there behind the icy blue eyes that always seemed to stare at her.

He just saw the blood. Not the reason she'd done it.

But this time, she'd left on her own.

Left without even saying Goodbye one final time.

She was strong, but what good was all that strength if she couldn't even say three words to Daryl Dixon.

_I love You._


	2. On the Road Our Paths Will Cross.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he'd gotten too used to the sound of the walkers, the sound of his bolts and the squish that always fell into that haunting silence. Or maybe, he'd just got used to not having to be alone anymore.
> 
> She'd been there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 
> 
> Rick and Daryl aren't gonna find Carol overnight but they will guys.
> 
> Yes, Rick has his own reasons for going.
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Somehow, it was quieter these days. 

Something he didn't even think was possible these days. 

How could nothing get worse? 

Maybe he'd gotten too used to the sound of the walkers, the sound of his bolts and the squish that always fell into that haunting silence. Or maybe, he'd just got used to not having to be alone anymore.

She'd been there for him.

Believed he could be a part of the group and not the outsider, he'd always seen himself as before. Someone looking in.

He'd been on watch all night. But he didn't feel tired, didn't feel the aches he knew he should have been feeling. He only felt one.

The hollow ache within his chest.

She'd been so distant. Looked so worried, but always smiled when she saw him. Even when those blue eyes were filled with worry. She always smiled when he was near.

He stared out at the darkness, watching Rick roaming the streets. Cloaked in the shadows, but his boots always gave him away. Always. That familiar clicking, against the pavement. 

Before it fell into silence.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was still dark, the final few hours before the darkness gave way and dawn spread across the sky. When Rick finally came back to the House. Boots clicking on the porch, blue eyes going right to him as Daryl stood up. Cigarette flicking into the street.

"Something wrong Daryl?"

His hand shoved into his pocket, the half crumpled piece of paper, the only sound as he threw it across the small gap of space between them. 

"You got somethin' you wanna tell me?"

Slender fingers reach for the crumpled mass, blue eyes staring at him. Cold, emotionless, like he was some stranger and not the man that'd risked his ass for him daily.

He stood there, silently reading over each line. Shaking his head, the soft ghost of a smile resting on the corner of his mouth.

This was funny to him?

"Why are you asking me?"

He went to walk away, when the Archer's hand pushed against the middle of his chest, stopping him from walking away like he'd done so many times before.

"Last time was your choice remember? Carol wouldn't just leave like that."

"And you think I sent her away Daryl?"

Each word sounded spat at him. Hate filled, but why he didn't know.

"Sent her away last time didn't you?"

"I didn't. Not this time, she left us Daryl. Of her own free will."

Blue eyes stared across at one another. Glaring, silently searching each other before he stepped back. He'd die for Rick, for his kids, but Carol, he couldn't stand by him if he wanted her gone.

"I'm goin' after her."

"Then I'm coming with you."

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

They'd left that night.

Taken a truck they'd been using for supply runs here and there when they needed.

Stopping to grab fuel when they needed it, following her tracks, until they'd vanished near a road cluttered with vehicles.

She had a car.


	3. Searching the Darkness for Your Face.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something about his tone, caused his eyes to snap toward him. He was silent again, looking as if he'd never even spoken a word. Blue eyes staring off, looking as if no thought except to keep the truck moving was behind them. Like he was somewhere Daryl could never go, or even understand. Smiling ear to ear for no reason. Bright smile shining softly in the moonlight casting through the windshield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Few Quick Notes:
> 
> Okay, tensions building guys I hope the pacing is okay.
> 
> I might do a POV Chapter in Ricks POV If you guys want it?
> 
> The song Ricks humming is Nine Inch Nails - The Day The World Went Away.
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

She'd been searching for somewhere ever since she'd left. 

Somewhere she could bed down for the night. 

Find supplies, even if it was just a small amount. Everywhere she'd tried had been picked over.

People passed through, took what they needed. It was how it went these days.

It'd taken half the day before she'd found the car. Dry battery cells, but in good enough shape to use. 

Slender fingers working the top off of her water bottle, and dripping it onto them. 

_Something Daryl taught you._

She'd never felt like she did right now. Guilty. But not for the reasons others had always felt she should have.

It was for leaving Him behind.

She should have told him, talked to him, he was her shoulder to cry on when Sophia.

She pushed the thoughts aside. She couldn't think about that moment.

It took some time, but, she'd finally managed to get the car running and onto the road. Driving north.

Hoping to find somewhere just to gather her thoughts.

Pick a direction and head there.

No matter how far.

\------------------------------------------------------

He'd been staring out the window for hours. Biting his thumbnail like he always did when he was lost in thought.

Watching through the woods for any sign of another car.

Headlights, the thump of tires, anything.

For just one sign she was heading the same way.

Rick said nothing beside him. Just stayed focused on the road ahead.

Humming some song over, and over again. Low, deep, so fucking calm like he was waiting in traffic for the light to turn green.

He'd changed since the quarry.

Didn't take much to see that. Everyone had. But Lori, that was when he'd turned colder toward them all.

He took care of them.

Kept them safe.

But he'd gotten to used to the feel of blood on his hands. Started liking the fear others had when they saw him instead of the admiration.

_Hunter instead of the Hunter huh?_

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

"She could be anywhere Daryl."

He said nothing. Just kept watch out the window.

Watching the darkened shapes of trees, and the road bluring past the window. Darkened shadows, moving faster, and faster until it looked like nothing but darkness all around them.

"Daryl, are you listening to me?"

"I'm listenin'."

"She could be anywhere. For all we know, she might be heading back to Atlanta."

"We'll find her."

He scoffed softly. Head shaking, as his hands grasped tighter on the steering wheel. Knuckles snow white.

"Reckless thing to do take off like that."

"Sure, she had her reasons."

"I'm sure she did Daryl. I'm sure she did."

Something about his tone, caused his eyes to snap toward him. He was silent again, looking as if he'd never even spoken a word. Blue eyes staring off, looking as if no thought except to keep the truck moving was behind them. Like he was somewhere Daryl could never go, or even understand. Smiling ear to ear for no reason. Bright smile shining softly in the moonlight casting through the windshield.

"Something funny Grimes?"

Silence was the only response.


	4. A Heart Filled with Decay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lori liked her. She always had.
> 
> Loved Carol like a sister.
> 
> Sometimes, just sometimes, in the darkness when he was alone.
> 
> Carol reminded him of Lori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rick's POV this chapter!
> 
> There will be a few more chapters told through Ricks POV as the story goes along.
> 
> Review guys!
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

It'd been so long since he'd actually cared about anything.

He loved his kids. No matter what, he knew he needed to keep them safe even if it meant, letting himself fall into the darkness every now and then. He remembered Carls face that night. The fear as that fuck ripped him out of the car. The same fear he saw in his eyes as he choked out his final breath.

Something he could laugh about now when he thought about it.

_Fragile pathetic little man._

He'd seen them change over the years. Seen Carl growing into a man.

Maggie was pregnant and gonna be a mommy.

They'd all grown, changed, become something different.

But they hadn't changed the one thing they needed to change.

To let go of their fucking humanity, compassion, regret.

Feelings weren't what this fucking world was about these days. It was about living, _Surviving._ Protecting what was yours at any goddamn cost. Didn't they see that? Didn't they get that? They just wanted to keep repeating the same routine. Try and survive. They were becoming just as weak as those fucking people back in Alexandria.

He chuckled to himself. A deep, gravelly rumble in the pit of his throat filling the silence before he started humming that damn song one more time.

He'd heard the whispers about him. That he was dangerous, Crazy, that eventually he'd fall apart on them.

_Fragile as glass._

He'd never asked for anything in return for keeping them alive. Keeping them sheltered from the storm always hanging overhead. All he'd ever wanted in return was goddamn loyalty. They'd always said they were a family, families held loyalty to each other. Loved each other.

Shane had proven how truly insignificant the word _Brother_ had meant to him. 

_I'm a better man than you._

His hands grasped tighter on the steering wheel. Tight, grasping, like the knife that night in the field. Feeling that familiar cold rushing through him despite the heat still clinging to the night air.

He'd called Daryl _Brother._

Meant the word. 

But had Daryl?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

_She should have been there._

It was up to Carol the day Lori had gone into labor.

She should have been there.

Should have saved her.

Kept his wife alive.

Lori liked her. She always had.

Loved Carol like a sister.

Sometimes, just sometimes, in the darkness when he was alone.

Carol reminded him of Lori.

Tall, athletic build, slender legs, and soft features. Slender fingers, and small, fragile hands.

Blue eyes looked at the wedding ring shimmering in the moonlight.

_I'd kill for you, I've killed for you._

His hand ran along the salt and peppered beard he'd been letting grow back out. Eyes lost ahead.

Searching the darkness for her face.

Carol was just like him.

She was a killer. 

No amount of regret.

Pray.

Forgiveness.

Would ever wash the blood stained on her hands just like his.

-She knew what it took to survive these days.

Had the strength.

Strength Daryl seemed drawn towards.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd wondered sometimes if she wanted his position.

Wanted to lead them all. But he'd never spoken the words out right.

She could take Daryl.

She could make them all turn their heads away from him.

_Broken into shards._

They'd follow whoever they saw as the strongest in their eyes.

Not broken.

All he'd ever wanted was just.........

"Stop the truck!"

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The truck stopped when they'd come to the edge of the fourth town they'd passed.

There was a car parked there.

Alone, Abandoned.

Forgotten.


	5. A Haunted Soul a Needing Soul.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'd felt the sting of the blade.
> 
> Dropped his bow, and grabbed at the shadowed form.
> 
> Ready to fight.
> 
>  
> 
> _Ready to survive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter.
> 
> There is some disturbing imagery this chapter.
> 
> Review please.
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

_Bing._

She'd known the sound was coming eventually. Just didn't think it'd happen so soon.

Fuel.

Something she knew she'd end up wasting too much time to find out here. Cars weren't plentiful like they'd been before. Parked along the streets, parking lots. She couldn't waste the time. She'd just abandon it, and find another down the road if she did.

It was about leaving. Not the comfort of a car.

It was dark.

It was stupid trying to move in the dark little on finding something. Supplies.

She'd parked the car outside of a building at random. Gathered her things, clutching to the knife like it was his hand. 

_Always with you._

The first three walkers hadn't been a problem. Like fish in a barrel, slow, thoughtless, practically falling over top of each other arms outstretched toward her. Bony fingers grasping for her, trying to pull her to them. But it was the fourth she'd found troubling.

Bound, duct taped, nude, on the bed in the back room of the store front.

Snarling, growling, eyes still filled with the haunting images she couldn't bring herself to imagine. Blonde hair matted, and flying wildly every time she thrashed. She moved closer, slipping the knife through its temple. Watching the blood running out behind its head. Dark, black, oil like. Her hand ran through golden strands, a gentle touch for a haunted soul. She'd searched her bag, and used her jacket to cover the walker.

_She deserved better than this._

Before she bedded down for the night. Curled on her side, fingertips touching at the knife. Pretending it was, rough, calloused fingers and not cold steel.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

She'd barely managed an hour before she heard thuds.

Two short, and together.

_Almost like doors on a car._

Instinct caused her to grasp the knife, held tightly within her hand. Ready to do what she did best these days.

Survive.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rick had taken the storefront on the left, while he went right.

_Hunters intuition._

His bow was held high, but not enough, she couldn't see his face if he found her here.

Fifty chance she'd stay and not have already taken off.

Blue grey eyes looked around, searching for signs she'd been there.

Three walkers.

He couldn't help the smile.

Always admired her style.

Fast, Quick, Clean.

Just like him.

She'd been here alright.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shallow breath filled her ears.

The creak of the door, swinging open.

Slow, easy, so quiet, she would have never heard it if she hadn't been so close.

She dove, knife slashing, hearing the clatter, and the gruff voice she'd been praying to hear again.

The rough fingers, she'd been craving clutched around her wrists. Holding her.

Blue eyes staring back at blue grey steel.

He'd come.

The fresh cut on his arm, feeling her every breath with leather, woods, copper, and Daryl Dixon.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd felt the sting of the blade.

Dropped his bow, and grabbed at the shadowed form.

Ready to fight.

_Ready to survive._

When he saw her.

Alive, safe, here.

Her knife clattered to the floor. Blue eyes shining with emotion, as he pulled her to him.

Fingers running through her hair.

"Shh, shh, it's just me. Just me."

He'd found her.


	6. Lost In Him, Stained In Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You sure you gotta go?"
> 
> Low, deep, and laced in a southern sweetness as sweet as iced tea.
> 
> "Nothing else?"
> 
> He smiled this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Few Quick Notes:
> 
> Ricks POV this chapter.
> 
> Theres a few days time jump in this chapter.
> 
> Some disturbing imagery in this chapter as well, as thoughts.
> 
> Rick gets a little weird this chapter.
> 
> Review please.
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

_I've done so much for you._

He'd been searching the streets.

But not for her.

He'd humor Daryl.

Pretend he'd looked for her, and come back empty handed.

He couldn't see her.

Didn't want to find her.

It was silent here. Peaceful.

_The quiet before the storm._

He'd gotten used to the silence. Enjoyed it. Because in those moments, he wasn't haunted by her face. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the third round around, he'd seen them coming out.

Small, fragile, form against his broad body.

The gleam of the fresh cut on his arm and the blood running down it.

"The hell happened to you?"

"Just a cut. Patch it up when we get back."

A nod.

He said nothing to her, just climbed into the truck slamming the door behind him. Listening to the sounds of Daryl's gruff voice, and her soft words. The thud of two doors, and the sound of the engine firing to life.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The drive back was silent.

Dead.

Like everything else around them.

Daryl stared out the window, a ghost of a smile resting across his lips.

Rick stared in the rearview mirror.

Eyes locked on the flash of blue eyes, and her delicate face.

Thumb toying with his wedding ring, until he looked away.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It'd been two days since they'd found Carol.

Two days since she'd come back to Alexandria.

Maggie cried on the first night.

Embracing her. Overjoyed she'd come back alive, and safe.

But he'd said nothing.

Just watched from the darkness as Carol cleaned, and bandaged Daryls arm.

Slender fingers, tracing over the curve of muscle beneath his flesh.

Eyes lost in him, and nothing else.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

He went on patrol that night.

Roaming the darkened streets of Alexandria.

Boots clicking against the pavement.

_Click, click, click._

They had each other.

They loved each other.

It didn't take much to see it.

Never had.

They didn't need him.

_This is loyalty? This, This is family?_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

_I waited so long for you._

He stayed away from them.

But kept enough to watch them.

Humming along as he did.

His personal enjoyment from the world around them.

Watching their gestures, no words seemed to be needed for.

_How it used to be._

They were synced. Two survivors, Two stronger than the rest.

_Interesting._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the sixth night 

He couldn't hear anything but the drip, drip, drip, of the fucking bathroom sink. Something that would have driven Lori crazy.

_Even perfect has its flaws._

Bare chested, jeans hanging low on his hips, raven curls wild and hanging loose in his face.

He couldn't hide from his demons when he was alone.

Her face.

The blood.

The growls, swirling in an endless melody in his head.

Blending with that damn song he couldn't stop humming.

It all changed after the Prison.

He'd changed since then.

He'd been so long without the feel, the warmth, the smell of copper clinging to his every breath.

He missed the blood.

Not the stale, cold, lifeless blood flowing within the walkers.

The warm, fresh, blood as red as cherries flowing from something alive.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He hadn't even seen it.

Just heard the shattering of the glass from the bathroom mirror.

Felt the warm, trickle, running over his fingers.

Sticking to his palm.

Fresh, bright red, Alive.

Laughing at the sight the entire time.

That was when he saw her standing there.

Blue eyes staring at the blood, the glass, his hand, and the bright smile greeting her frozen on his face.

-She stood.

Not advancing, not departing, just stood.

"I can patch that for you."

Rick was silent.

Icy blue eyes watching her, as she advanced slowly, fingertips touching at the broken shards and brushing them away.

_Elegantly, Perfectly._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neither of them spoke as she picked the glass from his hand.

Slender fingers touching over sun kissed flesh stained red.

Cleaning, Tending, Helping.

Her eyes stared up into his. Causing that smile to form once more.

_So close._

Before she looked away.

Ignoring as he leaned closer, moved about, stared.

Tightening the bandaging around his hand before she was done.

"We're done here. Try and keep it clean. Maggie can change the bandages for you next time."

His hand moved, testing the tightness for a moment, blue eyes staring at the sight of his blood on her slender fingers. Stained in him.

"You sure you gotta go?"

Low, deep, and laced in a southern sweetness as sweet as iced tea.

"Nothing else?"

He smiled this time.

Carol said nothing as she left.

Rick, said nothing as he touched himself later that night.


	7. Together In The Storm.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling her.
> 
> Touching her.
> 
> Lost in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex, and some disturbingness.
> 
> Review please.
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

_What the fuck is happening?_

She needed out of there.

Needed away from Rick.

Just somewhere she could breathe a sigh of relief.

They'd all seen the changes.

Seen the anger, the _Brutality._

How much he'd changed since Lori died. 

He was quieter, distant, guilt riddled.

She knew.

He couldn't hide it from her. Because she felt the same way.

Guilty.

Lori had trusted her, she depended on her, needed her.

She carried the weight of her death just as much as Rick did.

She missed her.

They'd been like sisters.

She'd been the only one that had comforted her when she needed a shoulder to sob on.

Body laced in bruises. Dark, and angry, hurting, but not as much as the hurt she felt inside that she'd married someone that had done such a thing to her.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd been sitting there for a while.

Hidden in the shadows, cigarette the only light.

Soft orange glow illuminating every now and then and casting shadowy glows against the side of the House.

When she'd come out, hands stained red, blue eyes shining in the moonlight.

Beautiful face etched with worry.

"You okay?"

Her eyes went to him as soon as she'd heard him.

_Beautiful. Most beautiful thing I've ever seen._

She nodded. Short, fast, without a single word spoken out loud. 

His fingers grasped the cigarette held between his lips, turning it, offering it to her. Blue grey eyes watching as slender fingers took it from him.

Soft lips, letting silvery grey slip from between them.

He leaned against the rail of the porch, arms crossed over his chest. Watching her for a moment, before he looked away again.

"Rick seem okay to you?"

"No."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

They'd fallen into silence, standing there.

_Side by side._

Until they'd done something unexpected.

Fingers finding one another, pulling each other close, lips ghosting each others, Tracing over each line, until they pressed together.

Shuddering breathes, Mouths, and tongues entangled in the taste of one another.

_The first taste of you._

Slender legs wrapping around his waist.

Arms encircling around his neck, as he lifted her onto the rail.

Bodies, hands, moving as though they had a mind of their own.

Tearing at the layers of clothing.

His vest, her shirt, his belt, her pants, his zipper.

His eyes were looking at her.

Cheeks flushed, blue eyes shining brightly, lost in him just as much as he was lost in her.

"You sure?"

His gruff voice filled the silence between them. 

A final back out.

"Yes."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

His hips bucked forward, milking a gasp from her mouth.

_Warm, wet, perfect._

Feeling her.

Touching her.

Lost in each other.

Bodies becoming one, feeling the scrape of her hardened nipples against his chest with every thrust.

Hungry for the taste of her mouth on his once more.

The grasp of her legs around him.

Hearing the sounds, her wetness, his cock working deeper, and deeper inside her mingling together.

Becoming an alluring siren song.

One he'd been dreaming of for years.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

She came quietly.

Shuddering beneath him.

Kissing him.

_I love you too._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

They dressed in silence.

Stealing a glance at each other every now and then.

Smiling. For the first time in years.

Happy.

Unaware of the storm just beyond, or the ice like eyes watching from the darkness behind the glass.


	8. I See Your Darkness Can You See Mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Like me and You._
> 
> His fingers teased over his wedding ring.
> 
> Lost in her face.
> 
> His body.
> 
> Just like Shane and Lori, they'd found something he couldn't give. Found each other and laughed behind his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rick's POV this chapter.
> 
> Review guys!
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

He could feel the sweat rolling off of him.

Blue eyes frozen on the ceiling above.

Feeling the flush of what he'd done.

Feeling the sticky wetness coated to white linen sheets.

The smile spread widely across his face.

Before he was up. Pulling on his jeans.

Trying to ignore the goddamn bandage around his hand.

The bandages were snug.

Tighter than he liked.

_Trapped._

He needed freedom. Not the walls.

They'd been a good thing in the beginning.

Something to reassure the group they were safe since the Prison.

Somewhere they could have a second chance.

But that wasn't how he saw it.

It was a fucking cage.

One he paced around like a lion.

_Hungry, Needing._

Longing for his freedom again.

Longing to hunt again.

\---------------------------------------------------------

He'd been roaming the darkened hallways.

Pacing the upstairs.

Listening to the steady, soft, sound of his footsteps.

Carl was asleep.

Judy was asleep.

Maggie, Glenn, Michonne all sleeping soundly while he paced.

Caged.

Restless.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

He needed air.

Just away from everything.

_Everyone._

Somewhere they couldn't go.

He stopped hearing their voices.

Daryl.

Carol.

The sounds of their words becoming softer, and softer, until they became silent.

That same silence they'd all gotten so used to these days.

Blue eyes staring from the darkness at them.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Large, strong, hands running along fragile curves.

Cupping, caressing, touching.

_Like Loris._

Soft, pale flesh kissed by moonlight and Daryls mouth.

Nipples standing hard, the teasing flesh between her legs.

Something he would have bet his life on was just as pink, soft, and perfect as a rose.

He could imagine everything.

Every sensation.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

_She's so small under him._

He wanted to watch them.

Wanted to see everything he could.

Savor the moment, the sight, the shudder of their breathes together.

Both looking more beautiful than he'd ever seen them before this moment, or ever would again.

_Like me and You._

His fingers teased over his wedding ring.

Lost in her face.

His body.

Just like Shane and Lori, they'd found something he couldn't give. Found each other and laughed behind his back.

Laughed at him like he was a fucking fool!

He'd lost once before, but not again.

He wouldn't make that mistake twice.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He watched until they were done.

Smiling, and dressing together before stepping back into the darkness.

Somewhere he felt comfort in more than anywhere else.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later he planned the supply run.

Daryl, and him the only ones leaving Alexandria.

Back in a day.

_This was going to be fun._


	9. I Thought We Were More Than That.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lips close enough to his own, any movement would have pushed them together.
> 
> Locked together.
> 
> "I saw you with her."
> 
> Each a whisper against his mouth.
> 
> Sending a shiver down the length of his spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little crazy this chapter.
> 
> Review guys.
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Quiet.

So, so, much quiet.

He could still hear the birds chirping in his memories.

Hear the crickets at night.

Feel the cool rush of stream water splashing across his skin. Hot, sweaty, and stained with the blood of the first buck he'd ever nabbed.

It was somewhere special.

Somewhere he wished he could have shown her.

_Something beautiful._

He was there sometimes, in his dreams, when things were too much. Whenever he looked in her eyes.

Peaceful beauty that calmed his troubled heart.

He'd never wanted to share that moment with anyone before, not even his brother.

But Carol, she was everything to him. 

_A reason to keep going every day._

He agreed to go on the run, but didn't feel right about it. It didn't feel like all the others had.

Tense, distant, strange.

He'd never felt that way around Rick before. Had never thought twice about him, he'd always been his right hand.

Been there for him.

Loved him and his kids.

But lately, he saw the changes he'd been refusing to see ever since the whispering had started between them all.

They were a family.

Families didn't throw someone to the wolves. They couldn't but, Rick didn't need throwing to the wolves.

He was the wolf in sheep's clothing.

He'd seen a glimpse that night, back in the woods. Teeth tearing and ripping at warm flesh.

Blood coating his beard, mouth, and stained to the suede. Copper lacing the air like a sickening perfume.

He knew Rick was dangerous.

Knew he could turn on them all someday if given enough reason.

But they were brothers.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neither spoke as Rick drove. Slender fingers tapping on the leather of the steering wheel.

Smile frozen on his face as he looked over at him.

Something Daryl didn't like.

"What?"

"Nothing."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was dark by the time they'd reach their destination.

Empty, Lifeless, Dead like everywhere else these days.

The thuds of their doors, filling the silence all around for a second in time. Before they were moving, he was ahead, bow clutched tightly within his hands, listening to the fucking clicking of his boots behind him.

They'd headed for the first building.

_Might be something left._

Broken glass, but it looked decent enough.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd felt the grasp on the back of his jacket. Turned around, fighting, expecting to see a walker.

Snarling and grasping for him.

But what he saw, was something he couldn't believe.

It wasn't a walker pulling him, struggling with him, and slamming his back to the wall.

It was Rick.

Rick, the man he would have died for on any given day.

"Stop fucking around."

"I'm not."

How the fuck could he do this? He knew what he needed to do, fight back. Use the bow, something. But this was Rick. He could reach him.

He wasn't too far gone.

He could come back from this he knew he could.

"Just calm down, I ain't fighting' ya."

The bow clattered to the floor.

_Show him he ain't gonna be hurt. He'll calm down._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was close to him.

Close enough, he could feel the warmth of his breath against him.

Blue eyes staring back into blue grey.

Smiling.

Pushing tight against him, sandwiching him, between him and the wall.

_Trapped like a rat._

Lips close enough to his own, any movement would have pushed them together.

Locked together.

"I saw you with her."

Each a whisper against his mouth.

Sending a shiver down the length of his spine.

"Fuck you talking about?"

"I saw you, I saw her."

His lips ghosted against his own, tracing each line with his mouth.

"Thought you both knew better than that."

\----------------------------------------------------------

He shoved against him. Feeling the cold rush of air without his warmth against him.

Grunting at the sudden pain, with Ricks knee in his stomach.

Knocking the air from his lungs.

"You can't do that to me!"

He was screaming.

_More animal than man._

Primal.

"All I wanted was your fucking loyalty Daryl!"

He was losing control. Lashing out, hurting.

Hands grasping either side of his face and forcing him to look at him.

"I gave you everything. Every fucking thing and you did this to me why?"

"Did what?"

He smiled. 

_Savage._

"You tried to steal her from me, but you can't have her. No one can have Lori."


	10. He'll Be Back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It wasn't a mistake._
> 
> She'd wanted it for so long. Needed it.
> 
> But, was it wrong? Had they crossed a line, changed their friendship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its short guys but, its here.
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

She'd been pacing in her room half the night.

Slender hands softly running through her hair.

_It wasn't a mistake._

She'd wanted it for so long. Needed it.

But, was it wrong? Had they crossed a line, changed their friendship? 

No. They were adults.

They'd made their choices.

Wanted each other.

Always had.

\-----------------------------------------------------

She stood silent, watching them leave.

Blue eyes stealing one last glance with his as he climbed in on the passenger side.

_He'll be back. Daryl always comes back._

\------------------------------------------------------

Maggie had made dinner while she baked.

Fucking cookies.

Something she'd gotten used to doing here every since they'd first settled into the place.

Neither of them spoke.

Just smiled softly.

When Maggie started crying.

Softly at first. But louder, stronger, touching her stomach as she helped her into a chair.

"Maggie, what's wrong?"

She looked at her suddenly.

Hazel green eyes bright, and shiny with tears.

"Nothing. I-I gotta get home."

"Maggie!"

She was gone. Hurrying out the door, headed for next door to the other House.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She'd never seen Maggie cry, but three times.

The day her Father died.

The day Beth died.

The day Lori...........What the hell was going on here?


	11. Secrets Are Like Poison.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Secrets are like poison._
> 
> She'd remembered Beth telling her that back on the farm.
> 
> Before all of this had happened.
> 
> They were so carefree back then. Lucky not to have been touched by the infection beyond their fence.
> 
> But it'd come.
> 
> Come the minute Blue eyes had locked with hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Few Quick Notes:
> 
> Maggie is the POV this chapter.
> 
> There's some Non con/Really emotional thoughts in this chapter be warned.
> 
> I will be picking back up with Rick and Daryl soon guys!
> 
> I am so sorry about the delayed chapters life;s been hectic.
> 
> Review please
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

_Secrets are like poison._

She'd remembered Beth telling her that back on the farm.

Before all of this had happened.

They were so carefree back then. Lucky not to have been touched by the infection beyond their fence.

But it'd come.

Come the minute Blue eyes had locked with hers.

_Hold one in long enough and it starts to rot you from the inside out._

It'd been harmless enough. Sneaking off into the woods, cheek pressed and scraping against the bark.

Feeling the hard, painful slap of hips, hands, everything.

She'd sworn it was just a stress release.

Something to take her mind off of the world the first few times.

But it wasn't.

It'd been so much more.

_Rot you away until there's nothing left._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

She'd tried to end it once they'd gotten to the Prison.

"It's not right."

"You never cared before, a little late to start now."

Tried, and tried.

Lied to Glenn.

Lied to her Daddy.

To everyone.

Smiled and pretended to be the faithful girlfriend.

When at night she felt like his whore.

Fucked in the showers, the cells, the stairs, even in the bed, she shared with Glenn on most nights.

But the guard tower had always been his favorite.

"I want everyone to see me inside you."

Every word a dark whisper against her ear.

Endless until she screamed out in ecstasy.

She'd wanted it over. But her body never stopped wanting it.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

She'd cried when Lori died.

Blamed herself for what had happened.

Asked herself if she'd done it because of jealousy or to hurt Rick for everything he'd done to her.

But the truth was, she envied Lori.

She was free.

But she was damned.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd stopped when the prison fell.

When everyone had gotten separated.

Something she was oddly thankful for when it happened.

But at Terminus, he'd found her again.

Crawled through the darkness in the train car, and snatched her into the shadows like a monster.

Hand grasped around her mouth, fucking her while the others worried, prayed, or tried to sleep.

Never stopped.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they'd found Alexandria she was happy.

When he'd met Jessie, she finally felt free.

But even then he didn't stop.

Slipping inside her in the shadows.

Fucking her between the houses, on supply runs.

Every, fucking, day.

Glenn had asked her if everything was all right.

She'd just smiled and said yes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

"You're pregnant Maggie, there's no mistake."

She'd felt ripped apart when the words registered.

How could she tell Glenn?

She couldn't ever.

In her own way, she loved Rick.

Not for what he'd done.

Not for the way he made her come alive beneath his touch.

She loved how he'd taken care of them all.

Believed in him despite everything he'd done to her and still did.

Even when she sat running her hands over her stomach humming that same goddamn song she'd heard Rick humming.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She just wanted him to come Home.

To stop this and be the man they'd all known and trusted for so long.

She'd cried in front of Carol.

Let her emotions bleed through in front of someone, but she'd never tell.

She'd been holding the secret long enough to know she was rotted inside.

What did it matter now?

She was dead already.


	12. Among the Dead You Were There.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dark laugh filled the silence between them.
> 
> "I'll show you."
> 
> Each word was growled out.
> 
> Hateful, spat at him.
> 
> He couldn't control himself now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some disturbing themes this chapter guys.
> 
> Be warned.
> 
> POV shifts between Rick and Maggie this chapter.
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

It was silent between them.

Only the thunder of his heart beating within his chest filling his ears.

Every fucking beat sounding like a drum beside his head.

"You can't have her!"

He was losing control again.

Just like always.

Screaming, striking out, tossing anything he could grasp within his hands at the windows. Laughing at the sound of shattered glass.

"Rick, I didn't ever touch Lori."

_Liar._

He was fucking lying to him.

"Liar!"

He was grasping at him again, fingers locked into the fabric of his shirt. Yanking him close to him, so close he could smell the strong scent of woods clinging to him.

_A true hunter._

"Rick! Will you fuckin' listen to me, I never touched Lori. Never would have stabbed you in the back like that."

He sounded so fucking sincere like he'd meant it. But he knew better. He leaned closer, lips tracing over the shell of the archers ear. 

"I thought you were my right hand. My brother, I thought you loved me Daryl."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd never seen Daryl looked as confused as he did now.

Blue eyes looking at him with anger, sadness, and still some form of respect burning behind them.

He knew even in death. No matter which of them died, Daryl would always care about him. 

Knew he'd give his life any day to save his kids.

But he wouldn't love him like he loved her.

Wouldn't love him like he loved Carol, Lori, He couldn't see her as anyone else.

"Rick, we can go Home. Forget this shit ever happened. You just gotta calm down."

"I bet you want Maggie too don't you?"

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Maggie?_

A dark laugh filled the silence between them.

"I'll show you."

Each word was growled out.

Hateful, spat at him.

He couldn't control himself now.

He didn't want to even if he could have.

"Take off your clothes."

\----------------------------------------------------------

It was night when she'd finally stopped crying.

Calmed herself down enough to think without a tear falling down her face.

Forced herself to go and look for Carol.

She'd searched everywhere for her. But found her at the place she'd found so much peace in herself lately.

The graveyard.

"Carol, we need to talk."

She was silent for a moment.

Fighting back the tears.

Fighting back the need to just end her suffering and fall into the grave she'd chosen the day they'd come here for herself.

Near the flowers.

Beside the wall.

Closer to freedom, but still denied.

_Same as now._

"Its about Rick."


	13. Trapped.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I should have told you I loved you._
> 
> He'd been searching for her face ever since that last day.
> 
> Silently blaming him that he hadn't been there.
> 
> Blaming Carol she hadn't been there.
> 
> But seeing Lori in her at the same time.
> 
> Daryl was struggling against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flash back/Present day
> 
> Rick's POV this chapter.
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

_One Year Ago:_

He could smell the fresh smell of the grass drifting on the summer's breeze. Pleasant. The first time he'd taken a breath without the choking stench of decay filling his lungs since this had all began.

It was workable here.

It was safe here.

Somewhere they could rebuild. Wait for something to happen.

Or at least that's what everyone else kept saying.

Kept telling him even if he didn't believe it himself. It was a lie.

A fucking fairytale to keep them going and give them something to believe in.

He didn't need hope.

Didn't need anything except the colt on his side, and to keep going.

Keep fighting.

_He liked it._

It was different now, he didn't have to feel the guilt he'd felt the few times he'd fired his gun before this.

Lori always cried when he'd told her he'd been forced to do something bad.

But that guilt had faded.

Feelings had faded the minute she'd taken her last breath.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Sweet, sweet baby girl._

Beth had been so sweet.

So soft, so delicate. So pure that very first time.

But she never stopped crying every time he slipped into her cell.

Praying the rosary.

Praying for death.

But Maggie, oh, she'd been so much stronger.

Had been his since the first day on the farm.

_Dirty little whore._

He'd never touched anyone beside Lori.

But the Greene girls had just been to much. Set a fire as hot as the flames of hell in his veins and he'd indulged in his sins.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd never touched Carol.

But he'd wanted to.

Wanted to ever since he'd seen Lori in her.

_A final piece of you._

She'd be Lori now.

He just needed to show her.

But then Daryl had come along.

Taken her like Shane had taken Lori.

_Laughing._

He'd give them a reason to laugh.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Present Day:_

_I should have told you I loved you._

He'd been searching for her face ever since that last day.

Silently blaming him that he hadn't been there.

Blaming Carol she hadn't been there.

But seeing Lori in her at the same time.

Daryl was struggling against him.

_Trapped._

Fighting him.

Fist for fist, rage for rage.

He could taste the copper in his mouth from the archers last punch.

But he'd given him just as good.

He was still trying to reason with him.

Trying to talk sense to him.

He didn't realize it was too late for the both of them now.


	14. The Weight Of Our Secrets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She'd listened.
> 
> Not even allowing herself to ask a single question while Maggie spoke.
> 
> She'd told her so much, but left with a thousand more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review please guys???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

She'd listened.

Not even allowing herself to ask a single question while Maggie spoke.

She'd told her so much, but left with a thousand more questions.

Told her how she'd been keeping a secret.

But never told her exactly what.

Just that she'd been unfaithful to Glenn.

That she'd felt so filthy.

Felt like a fucking liar every time she told Glenn she loved him, and they'd be together forever.

She felt for her.

She'd been through enough since the farm.

But she didn't push her to open up more than she had already to her.

"You said you needed to talk to me about Rick, Maggie."

She wiped at her eyes.

Trying to wipe away the endless sea of tears spilling down her cheeks as she forced a smile.

"I did."

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head. Sobbing harder.

"I don't know. He's been so strange lately, so angry. I love Him Carol. I believe in him so much, but...."

Her words cut short suddenly.

Eyes wide as if she'd said something wrong before she was standing trying to leave.

"Maggie wait, please."

"Just be careful Carol please?"

She was sniffling, coming apart before her eyes.

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

She smiled suddenly. Not a smile of happiness, but one that seemed eerily calm.

"Thank you."

She was gone by the time Carol had walked back to the kitchen.

Slender fingers running through her hair, feeling the wash of emotion within herself.

But the calm of knowing Daryl would be back soon.

That he'd be there while the entire world and Alexandria crashed around them.

_Hand in hand._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

She felt so stupid for crying in front of Carol for the second time this week.

Weak.

But someone had to survive this.

Someone had to live.

Because how could she keep going knowing they'd all die?

Hazel green eyes closed as she slowly laid back on the bed.

Hands running over her stomach humming softly.

She felt so tired.

So, so, very tired.


	15. Broken and Shattered.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But he took his keys.
> 
> Took the truck.
> 
> Headed back to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryls POV
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

He'd know ever since that night.

Known ever since Terminus, the claimers, Lori, that Rick had changed.

Became someone different.

_Almost like Shane._

He heard the words.

Felt the punches landing on his sides.

His stomach.

His mouth.

He didn't want to hurt him.

Didn't want to kill him.

But he'd give him as good as he gave.

Take out every ounce of anger he'd been bottling up.

Drowning under since they'd lost half their group getting here.

He'd seen people come and go.

Good people.

He could still see their blood in his dreams.

Still feel the weight of them on him.

Wishing he could have saved them all.

But he knew he couldn't have ever saved them.

He couldn't.

But he'd saved Carol.

Had to save her.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

His hands grasped at his bow.

Slinging it wildly at the man he'd have given anything to save.

He fought back hard.

Hard as he'd expected him to fight back.

Before he heard the thud.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

He'd managed to get him down.

_Knocked out cold._

But he felt horrible for it.

Like he'd betrayed some oath between them.

But he hadn't hurt him.

Just done to him what he'd done to him.

Fist to fist.

Blood for blood.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

He didn't bother to tie him up.

Didn't take his weapons.

He was still Rick.

But he took his keys.

Took the truck.

Headed back to her.


	16. Home Is With You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'd left the truck sitting there.
> 
> Hurried through the gates, and the streets until he'd found Home again.
> 
> In her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryls POV
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Nothing.

Fucking nothing was all he could hear on the road.

Just the thump of tires against blacktop.

The purr of the engine.

_Fucking humming gone._

He felt like he'd betrayed him, leaving him behind.

Felt like traitor was tattooed all over him, but, he couldn't do anything else.

He'd left him no choice.

He'd left him no other fucking choice!

His hands grasped tighter on the steering wheel.

They were supposed to be brothers, not enemies what the hell had happened to him?

It didn't feel right going back without him , but everyone would understand.

Hell, it was what they'd all been wanting since they'd deemed Rick too dangerous to be there but kept silent.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd finally reach the gate hours later.

Tired.

Bruised.

Broken.

But he'd made.

_Come home to you._

He'd left the truck sitting there.

Hurried through the gates, and the streets until he'd found Home again.

In her arms.

Neither of them speaking just hugging, and lost in each other.

Kissing, touching, renewing.

Together again.

Just the way it should have been.


	17. Haunted By The Past. Haunted By Your Laughter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You ain't man enough Rick."
> 
> He stopped suddenly.
> 
> Blue eyes searching the darkness.
> 
> _Shane?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ricks POV this chapter.
> 
> Review please guys???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Blue eyes suddenly snapped open, staring upwards at the darkened ceiling overhead.

He remembered fighting Daryl.

Tasting the copper filling his mouth.

Then the whole world went dark.

Not the darkness he'd always thought.

_Where she is right now._

It was cold, empty, just like the rest of the fucking world these days.

His fingers touched the spot on his head, his bow had hit into.

_Traitor._

\----------------------------------------------------------------

He'd left his colt.

The machete on his side.

But he'd taken the goddamn truck.

"Motherfucker."

\----------------------------------------------------------------

_Click, click, click._

There was nothing out here.

Nothing he could see anyway.

Just silence.

Only the clicking sound of his boots, and the song he was humming with every step back toward Alexandria.

He'd tried to get along.

Tried to make the best of it.

But he'd never fit in caged.

Walls meant safety.

Meant food, shelter, a warm bed for the forthcoming winter.

But it meant losing something so much more.

_Freedom._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Living life in denial the world hadn't gone to shit was just stupid.

He wouldn't become like them.

He'd die before he let himself become what he used to be, back at the quarry, when Morgan had found him lying there. Blood seeping from him, thinking the dead were still living.

He'd never be that naive again.

He'd seen what the walkers could do.

They all had.

He'd kept them alive!

He saved them.

And this was the fucking thank you? Handing it over to Carol?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You ain't man enough Rick."

He stopped suddenly.

Blue eyes searching the darkness.

_Shane?_

"Told you, I was a better man than you."

His fingers grasped at the machete.

Fingertips toying with the red handle, eyes searching the darkness.

"You're not! Never were!"

"That why you're about to lose everything? Can't even keep your boy safe Rick."

He couldn't see him.

Just hear him.

Hear the smile in his voice.

"I killed you! I killed you!"

Laughter filled the darkness suddenly.

Haunting, loud, fading until all he could hear was his breath.

"Shane!"

Only silence.

Dead silence.


	18. Come Home To You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She'd turned the corner, walking past the Houses for the third time. Rifle slung over her shoulder.
> 
> When she'd felt the grasp around her.
> 
> Warm, hard.
> 
> Grasping her, pulling her, hand covering her mouth and dragging her into the darkness, no matter how much she struggled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carol and Maggies POVs this chapter guys.
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

They'd spent the night together.

Holding each other.

Lost in the taste of each other.

The stroke of fingers along yearning flesh.

_Aching for each other._

She didn't ask him what had happened. Didn't need to ask.

She could see it behind his eyes.

Storming, Wave after wave of emotion crashing down on him.

Her fingertips ran along his jawline, tracing over the scruff, feeling the scratch against her skin.

"I love you."

He pulled her closer.

Enveloping her in him.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

She'd been walking for a while.

Roaming the darkened streets.

Told Glenn she'd take watch tonight, even though he didn't want her to do it.

"I just need some air Glenn."

It'd been a lie.

A fucking lie.

The streets were quiet, but not like when they'd first come here.

It was different.

Eerie.

Disturbing sometimes how still and lifeless somewhere so safe had become these days.

_Forsaken or just forgotten?_

She'd turned the corner, walking past the Houses for the third time. Rifle slung over her shoulder.

When she'd felt the grasp around her.

Warm, hard.

Grasping her, pulling her, hand covering her mouth and dragging her into the darkness, no matter how much she struggled.

"It's me, shh, relax baby girl."

That was when she knew.

It wasn't the monster they'd feared beyond the walls come home to them.

It was Rick.


	19. In His Voice I Heard Decay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swinging the machete, and hearing the tearing of fabric, bed sheets, and seeing the bright stain of red against the white like blood on the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go guys.
> 
> Ricks POV
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

She gasped at his touch.

Something she'd never done in the beginning, but she always did it now.

Even when he touched her softly, though it was rare these days.

"Oh Maggie, my sweet little angel look at you."

She was looking at him, eyes wide, and gazing up at him.

_Beautiful. Especially when she was like this._

"Shh, just relax sweetheart, I'm here."

His hand pulled back from her mouth slowly, allowing her to gasp for breath.

"Daryl came back alone. I-I don't understand."

He was chuckling softly, deep, gravelly rumbling filling the silence all around them as he shoved tightly against her. Feeling the yield of her against him. Hands taking her face between them, blue eyes gazing down at her.

"Daryl is gonna pay for everything he's done."

His lips ghosted her own suddenly.

"Leaving me to die."

"He left you?"

"He didn't tell everyone?"

"He said-"

"I don't give a fuck what he said."

Every word sounded harsh, hateful, angry. Like Daryl had never been anything to him.

"Rick-"

"Don't talk. Just open your mouth."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd left her there cum running down her thighs, and tears staining her cheeks.

He liked her.

Always had ever since he'd first laid eyes on the sweet little brunette with the hazel green eyes.

His hand reach for the machete on his hip, yanking it free and thumbing the only thing he understood these days. The handle of it, fingers teasing along it, touching it, he'd promised Gareth an end with it. Now, he was promising the same ending for the man he'd called Brother.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd let himself in.

Easing through the entrance, and along the hardwood floor.

Humming that same damn song softly under his breath.

Grasping the bright red handle.

_An eye for an eye._

Only he wanted more.

He wanted everything.

To feel the power he'd always felt, and not have to worry about betrayal lurking around every corner.

He'd handle Daryl.

Handle Carol if he had to.

Until he felt at peace once again.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_I'd listen to the world he'd say, but in his voice I heard decay._

His boot met against the door.

Filling the House.

Breaking the silence.

Swinging the machete, and hearing the tearing of fabric, bed sheets, and seeing the bright stain of red against the white like blood on the snow.

He'd cut Daryl once before he was up, blood seeping from the wound on him.

Splattered on Carol, who was trying to go for her gun.

_Let the game begin._


	20. The Day The World Went Away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safety hadn't ever been something any of them had ever believed in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Few Quick Notes:
> 
> The song mentioned is Nine Inch Nails - The Day The World Went Away
> 
> Daryl and Maggies POV's this chapter.
> 
> Last chapter guys I'm sad to see it end, but I couldn't leave the ending in the air.
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Safety hadn't ever been something any of them had ever believed in.

Even before the walkers, Before everything, the world hadn't been filled with hearts and flowers. It had always been like this. They'd just been to naive to see it what it'd always been. Somewhere filled with danger, lined with blood, and filled with decay. Memories of what used to be there.

Just like now.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Daryl ignored the wound.

Ignored the blood, and continued to fight him.

Hand grasped around the wrist of the man he'd trusted.

Fighting against him.

Ricks back slammed into the wall, both me grunting, and struggling against each other.

_Trying to kill each other._

He could see the rage burning behind those icy eyes that had glazed over so long ago with the loss of her face.

Of their Home at the Prison.

Every ounce of his good gone as fast as the world had went died around them.

He was dead already, he just hadn't seen it like they all had.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

"I trusted you!"

"I had no choice Rick!"

His leg moved between them, body moving like a trapped animal, crumpling him as his boot connected with his knee.

He fell to the floor.

Covered in his blood, shaggy hair sticking to him with sweat, he looked up at him.

Seeing the man he'd loved.

Curls wild and hanging in his face, blood stained on his mouth, and the gleam of sunlight shining against the blade of the machete as he raised it.

"I'll take good care of her for you Daryl."

\-----------------------------------------------------------

The sound of the first shot filled the room with a deafening sound.

The clatter of the machete hitting the ground.

He looked at Rick, seeing those eyes staring at her.

Hand grasped at the wound, the bright red coating his hand.

"Lori....."

"I'm not Lori Rick."

The second shot filled the silence between them all.

_What have we done?_

He staggered, blood dripping onto the floor.

Humming that same fucking song, laughing, looking more pleased than he'd ever seen him.

Falling out the window, shattering the glass and crashing down to the ground.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her gun clattered to the floor, as she ran to him.

Hands taking his face between them.

Sobbing.

His fingers brushed her tears away as the world went black all around him.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_There is a place that still remains it eats the fear it eats the pain._

It'd been a month since that day.

The day that Rick had tried to kill him.

He was healing, but he'd never be the same.

How could he even look in the mirror after what he'd done? Attacked him, left him, put everyone in danger because he hadn't been strong enough to kill him. 

They'd never found the body, just a puddle of blood.

But he doubted he survived out there injured like that. He just prayed he didn't ever see him as a walker.

_Decayed._

He wanted the memory of what he'd been. The friend he'd been.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carol sat beside him on the front porch, slender fingers lacing with his own as they looked out toward Alexandria.

They'd lost so much coming here.

Lost so many people.

But they'd gained so much here. He knew that every time he laid down beside her, or felt her lips against his own.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day Maggie had the baby brought them all so much joy.

A new addition to their family.

A boy.

Glenn had never looked as happy as he was holding that baby.

Maggie had never been the same after Rick vanished.

She became silent, distant, glared from time to time, but never said a single word.

Just sat to herself.

Kept away.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hazel green eyes looked out the window, watching.

Cradling her son in her arms as she pushed the rocking chair back and forth.

Looking down into the blue eyes staring back at her.

_Just like his daddy's._

"He has Beths eyes."

Was what she'd told Glenn.

A smile spread across Maggies lips as she rocked her son in her arms. Humming the song she'd been humming more and more often these days. Watching out the window.

Waiting. 

For Rick to come home to her and their son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for every comment, and kudos on this. They really kept me writing this seeing how much everyone liked this fic.
> 
> I know it got really dark in some areas.
> 
> To do a sum up of the story.
> 
> After Loris death, Rick basically checked out and as more and more has continued to happen, he has become more deranged and given into his inner darkness. Seeing Carol as a replacement Lori despite his hate and resentment toward her because she wasn't there when Lori needed her. Thus him seeing Daryl as Shane and being haunted by Shane.
> 
> I might do a part two for this eventually or leave it as is if you want part two let me know guys.
> 
> I will be doing more Caryl one shots and multi chapters in the future. 
> 
> Once again, thank you everyone for sticking with me until the end of this fic.
> 
> :)


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